Balance Is Key

“We can be sure that the greatest hope for maintaining equilibrium in the face of any situation rests within ourselves.” ~Francis Braceland

Find balance. My counselor said this to me during one of our last sessions. We were discussing how much my life had changed since I'd started seeing her, how far I’d come. But there was work I still needed to do.

I didn’t understand exactly what she meant (which wasn’t uncommon—she’d often tell me things and it’d take me months to have a “light bulb moment” about them), but somehow I knew that balance was a key that would open a lot of doors.  

***

Food controlled my life for a very long time, both prior to, during, and after I was bulimic. Since I silenced that part of my brain—the one that told me I needed to weigh myself every day and base my self-worth on the number I saw on the scale—I’ve approached dieting and exercising with extreme caution. I want to be healthy. I want to look good in my clothes. But I don’t want to regress to the sick person I was in my late teens and early 20s.

Things went well for quite a while. I wasn’t weighing myself. I was eating healthy (for the most part.) I was walking Bella every day. And then my clothes started fitting differently. Tightly. … I’m sure the weight gain was something gradual, but because I refuse to step on a scale (unless the doctor makes me, and then I conveniently look at the ceiling while she’s updating my chart), I noticed it all at once.

That’s when I decided that, no matter what, I was going to start being more food-conscious and I was going to get in shape. Everything was fine at first. I worked out every day. I changed my eating habits (less fat, smaller portions). I started to notice results.

Then, all of a sudden, there she was. That horrible voice I used to listen to for the better part of decade.

“You can’t indulge in a burger and fries! It doesn’t matter that you watched what you ate and worked out all week. Get a salad, fatty. And if you can’t control your urges, don’t go out tonight.”

“Take a day or two off from working out? What’s wrong with you?! Don’t be lazy. Don’t make excuses. Get up early. Stay up late. Plan your LIFE around this!”

I let her win for about a week. I fixated on dieting and exercising.

And then, just as quickly as she showed up, she left. Because I made her. “Get out of my head! You’re hateful. You’re irrational. You’re completely unrealistic.”

Now, I work out four to five times a week (depending on what my schedule allows). I sprinkle in a yoga session or two. I eat well as often as I can, but if I want cookies or potato chips, I have them. Everything in moderation, right?

***

And as is usually the case these days, after I found balance with dieting and exercising, I realized there are a lot of other aspects of my life that aren’t so helter-skelter anymore (light bulb moment!).

People and situations that used to rattle me don’t. I can hear about an ex without fixating on him for days (or at all, actually). I can argue my point calmly and rationally without defaming someone’s character in the process. I can stand my ground when I’m right without refusing to admit (or apologize) when I’m wrong. I can own my life choices, some of which were mistakes, without demoralizing myself. I can be kind without allowing myself to be manipulated or taken advantage of.

I’m still a work in progress. And I always will be. … But I finally understand the importance of balance. That I must work and play, diet and indulge, exercise and rest, be frugal and be extravagant, be benevolent and be selfish.

And here’s the key: Knowing you have—within yourself—the power to find that balance.

Once you find it, you’ll embrace it. And once you embrace it, you’ll fall in love with it. You’ll want to feel that way always. … So you’ll make a concerted effort to maintain balance.

And maintaining balance? Well that, my friends, is one of the secrets to living a happy life. :)