“We have to sweep
today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we
finally understand … that knowing is better than wondering, waking is better
than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beats the hell out
of never trying.” ~Meredith Grey, Grey’s Anatomy
In the first part of
this quote, Meredith questions why people procrastinate, and she concludes it’s
because of fear. Fear of failure. Fear of rejection. Fear of making a decision.
Fear, and overcoming
it, have been dominant themes in my life lately. So, when this quote popped
into my head—especially because I’ve been searching for the perfect one to use
for a fear-based blog—I decided tonight was the night.
***
Stepping out of my
comfort zone isn’t something that’s ever been easy for me. I like consistency,
routines, because they make me feel safe and secure.
It took me a long
time to realize that, just because something is consistent, part of a routine,
doesn’t mean it’s safe or secure. On the contrary, a lot of people and
situations with which I surrounded myself were toxic and dysfunctional.
And here’s the thing:
realizing there’s a problem is just the first step. The next is not only
accepting the situation needs to change, but also, accepting that what you want
is what you deserve. And then, you have to start living in a way that
guarantees your hopes and dreams become your reality (by ridding yourself of
toxicity and dysfunction, by refusing to settle).
It’s hard. All of it.
Because you’ll be tested, so much so that you’ll question whether you made the
right decision, whether it’s worth it, whether you’ll ever get what you want.
And the answer to those questions is yes. Every. Single. Time. YES.
***
Recent discovery: I’m
ready to stop being so independent. I’m ready to allow men into my life for the
first time in a long time. And I’m willing to accept the hurt, the anxiety, the
discomfort that goes along with that decision. Why? Because ultimately, I want
to settle down, get married, and build a life with someone.
I haven’t necessarily
met “the one” yet, but I have had the
opportunity to meet—or become reacquainted with, in some cases— complex,
fragile, amazing, beautiful people with whom I’m blessed to share my time. Who
teach me, who challenge me, who respect me, who “know” me, who love me. Because of them, my
life is fuller, better, and I'm so grateful I let them in as opposed to shut them out.
So have the courage
to know, to wake, to try, because what you’ll get? Well, everything you’ve ever wanted, of course. <3
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