"Souls always connect at the perfect time and place to fulfill an emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual task or karmic bond. We are never connected to anyone by chance—there's always a higher lesson and a deeper message from the Universe. You attract what your energy vibrates." ~Anon
A cup of coffee shouldn't induce an anxiety attack. But it did. Twice. The second time, though—which was two years after the first—I was ready to learn the lesson. To work through the karma. To make a life-altering change.
***
In 2008, Bella came barreling into my life. She was a 26th birthday present I didn't ask for, but fell in love with immediately. Which is lucky, because I wasn't prepared for the responsibility, for the time commitment, for the chewing (omg, the chewing) that comes with having a puppy.
Less than a year into it, Bella took off after a squirrel and got lost in the woods. My dad and I found her, which was a miracle in and of itself, and then, because she was wreaking havoc at my parent's house, my mom gave me an ultimatum: give Bella up or move out.
Obviously I didn't give her up, but, looking back, that decision wasn't really a decision. I "knew" without knowing that Bella and I were supposed to be together, walking side by side in this lifetime, for a while.
So we started making our own way. Teaching, learning, and growing together. For me, the only negative was the irrational fear of Bella dying (in a fire, specifically) that developed.
***
Fast forward to 2016. After my mom's death by suicide, my spiritual awakening began.
I started to experience intuition, synchronicity, number sequences, and signs.
I started to get regular medium and astrology readings, to work with card decks and pendulums, and to read books like The Celestine Prophecy, Light Is the New Black, and Many Lives, Many Masters.
I started to believe that we're not human beings having a spiritual experience. We're spiritual beings having a human experience. We've lived before. We'll live again. And love never dies.
I started to attract like-minded people. And those people, because they were vibrating with me, became part of my inner circle. The people who weren't started to move out. It was a natural transition.
***
My romantic relationships have always been tumultuous. I used to think that was because, growing up, my parents' relationship was co-dependent and abusive (not physically, but emotionally, verbally, and psychologically).
But after almost seven years of talk therapy, a lot of work and growth, and a spiritual awakening, I realized it went deeper than that. It had to. Because if I wanted to get married and build a life with someone (and I did), why was I (still) attracting men who were unavailable in one way or another? And why was I experiencing days-long anxiety attacks after one of them did something "domestic" like make me a cup of coffee?
Because my conscious mind and my subconscious mind weren't on the same page. And I was attracting what I was vibrating.
***
It's been said that when the student's ready, the teacher appears. And that's what happened in December, when I decided it was (finally) time to email Donna Nowak about a past-life regression. At the beginning of January, I spent two hours with her, and those two hours changed my life.
It's an experience I'll never forget, and one for which I'll always be thankful.
***
The Past-Life Regression
Scene 1: I was standing outside a stable I couldn't see, but I could sense, and I "knew" it was on fire. An animal I loved died in that fire, and there was nothing I could do to save it.
Scene 2: My wedding day. I saw myself, a wreath of flowers in my hair, my head thrown back, laughing. I was emanating happiness, pure joy.
Scene 3: Childbirth. A boy. I was excited to become a mother, to raise a child with the man I loved.
Scene 4: A silhouette of me and my children (two boys, about three and five years old). My husband, their father, wasn't there. I sensed that he'd been called away, that he never returned, that he died.
Scene 5: My death. In the same bed in which I gave birth. My adult children, and other people I didn't recognize, were there. I never remarried, so I sensed that even though I was surrounded by people, I "died alone."
***
It took me a few days to process, to make this-life connections with past-life memories, but after I did, huge (and I mean gargantuan) pieces of the puzzle fell into place.
1. My irrational fear of Bella dying in a fire didn't seem irrational anymore, and my anxiety surrounding it dissipated. I stopped taking pictures of potential-fire-causing items (straightener, stove, lights) before I left the house.
2. I realized that fears from that lifetime--of losing people I love, of abandonment, of death--were keeping me stuck in this lifetime. They were keeping me blocked, keeping me angry, keeping me scared, and keeping my vibration low(er than it needed to be to attract what I wanted).
3. It's my responsibility to fulfill my karma, and it's other people's responsibility to fulfill theirs. Our karmas can (and do) intertwine, but ultimately, each of us has our own path to walk. So it's unfair to say: "Your karma can't be your karma because, for me, it's difficult, or heartbreaking, or life-altering." Why? Because it's supposed be. We signed the contracts long before we incarnated. To help each other, because we (our souls) love each other (always have, always will).
***
Instead, I want to say thank you. Thanks to each and every one of you who chose to take this Earth walk, this beautiful (and, at times, tragic) journey around the Sun with me.
Here's to learning the lessons. To understanding the deeper message. To non-anxiety-inducing cups of coffee. Because all of us deserve to be vibrating high, to be living our happiest, healthiest, best lives. Happy travels, friends.
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