Time: It's Free, But It's Priceless

"Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it, you can never get it back." ~Harvey MacKay

This weekend was one I've been craving for a while. I got to see my best friend, who's been out of the country for almost two weeks, devour a perfectly-cooked filet mignon while I sipped a delicious Pinot Noir, step back in time, enjoy life's simple pleasures, engage in meaningful conversation, frequent Medina's bar scene (always interesting :)), enjoy a home-cooked meal with my family, take the back road/scenic route home this evening. 

It was just what I needed, to be surrounded by beauty and people I care about, to take a step back from the everyday hustle and bustle to browse an antique store, learn how apple butter is made and savor it on a piece of homemade Amish bread. 

***

Lately, I feel like my life's been in flux. Like a lot of things are changing. Like I'm waiting, and have been, for things to settle down, fall into place, go in the direction I'm willing them to go. 

I want to stop worrying about money. To be able to buy a few pieces to update my wardrobe or a new pair of running shoes because mine have seen better days. To not feel guilty about enjoying a $50 dinner out. To save, and then pay for, a vacation with cash. 

I want to stop doing everything by myself. I'm stubborn and strong-willed, but I've finally realized there's a difference between being able to say yes, I can totally take care of myself and yes, I really don't want, or need, help from another person, in any way, shape, or form, for as long as I live. 

I want to stop feeling unsettled, like my life is about to begin but hasn't yet. That as soon as I take care of this, that can fall into place. 

I want to stop feeling like there's not enough time to do all the things I want to do. Travel, buy a house, decorate said house with souvenirs from my trips, get married, have children. 

And this weekend, while I was visiting Cassandra, I saw that quote, staring at me from a decorative wooden sign sitting on a trunk in her spare bedroom, and I realized my time, and how and with whom I spend it, is my choice. It always has been and it always will be. 

While I'm not going to be financially stable or settled in the near distant future, who's to say the time I spend learning things and meeting people, enjoying the beauty of a long drive through a picturesque landscape, complete with country roads, cows, cornfields, and picket fences, the sun setting the tree's yellow, orange, and red leaves aglow, is time wasted? 

Who's to say that everything I'm experiencing right now, and have been for the past however many years, isn't leading me exactly where I'm supposed to go? 

Who's to say my life isn't beautiful, just as it is? 

***

Time is free, but it's priceless. Which is why it's so important to live in the present, to enjoy everything for what it is, when it is, because once you've lost it, whether it be a moment, an hour, a day, a job, a friendship, a relationship, a way of life, you can never get it back.