I journaled to the same quote in October 2011. It was a very difficult time in my life and, some days, it felt like happiness was unattainable. But through the depression, the anxiety, the hardship, I knew, somewhere deep inside, that I would feel joy again.
Whenever life challenges me (and I feel like it has been, quite a bit lately), I try to remember that the choices I'm making, while they might be difficult right now, are going to lead me to a better place eventually. And if I keep at it, things that used to seem impossible actually become quite easy.
A year ago, for fear of hurting feelings or making people uncomfortable, I would've never voiced my opinion about something directly. I would've never chosen to deal with a situation instead of passively aggressively ignore it. And I would've never walked away from a relationship with finality.
Today, I can truthfully say I've done each of those things, and I believe I'm a better, healthier, stronger person because of it.
***
A few weeks ago, I sprained my ankle. Then I caught a cold (in the middle of summer!). And finally, to round out my two weeks of awesome, I was inadvertently put in the middle of bad situation.
I'm usually a social butterfly, sending texts and making calls to get plans on the calendar with anyone and everyone, but these circumstances curbed my enthusiasm (not to mention my ability to walk and breathe like a normal person).
The silver lining, though (because, if you look hard enough, you can always find one), was realizing that, when I'm down and out and need a helping hand, there are always people around to offer one.
Three of them are my very best friends. I'm not sure where I'd be without these women whose support, kindness, truthfulness, and tough love have helped me survive (and, at the end of the day, triumph over) some pretty difficult situations. Two of them are newly formed friendships, and although I haven't been through as much thick and thin with these women, I can't imagine my life without them. I'm so very thankful for friends of friends and second-job coworkers. And the last is a friendship that, until recently, I didn't realize was so solid. I count myself lucky to know anyone who's in my corner when push comes to shove.
And, as sometimes happens, the positive got me thinking about the negative. About why I, and so many others, continue to maintain relationships with people who are selfish, unkind, not interested, or too busy when we're surrounded by a multitude of people who aren't. There are a plethora of reasons, I'm sure. Too many for me to psychoanalyze or try to understand.
It's a choice though, whether or not I, or you, allow these types of negative relationships to continue. Because the bottom line is, the more you let people sap your time and energy, the less you have for those who don't.
I've come to believe that there are amazing things lurking in the most unlikely places, but in order to find them, you have to have an open mind and an open heart. And in order to have those things, it's essential to let go of that which no longer serves a purpose, to let go of relationships that no longer are fulfilling.
So, that's why, these days, I'm voicing my opinions, dealing instead of ignoring, and walking away from relationships with finality. And I know--just like through the depression, anxiety, and hardship I knew I'd feel joy again--that in doing so, I'm choosing happiness over suffering. I'm making space for the unknown future to fill up my life with yet-to-come surprises. And I'm so excited to discover them. :)
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