Love

"Love can tear and rip you apart, but if you're lucky, it can put you back together." ~The Wonder Years

It's taken me a long time to discover the depth of this quote. For years, I took it at face value: That some guy was going to break my heart, but if I was lucky, another one was going to put it back together. And that's happened. Over and over again. Until finally, I realized that to break the pattern, I was going to have to change my behavior. Because love can mean a lot of different things to a lot of different people, and it's not always literal.

Sure, men have broken my heart throughout the years. But my heart also breaks when I see someone I care about who's ill, whether it's mentally or physically. When I can't save someone, whether it's from themselves or an outside force like drug or alcohol addiction. When I have to leave people behind, not necessarily because they're bad at the core, but because they're bad for me.

So when you think about it in those terms, a broken heart is quite common. For most of us, really.

But that lucky part is, too. Because it doesn't have to be a man, or a romantic relationship, that puts you back together.

My dog, Bella, put me back together after a particularly difficult break-up. She relied on me to get up every morning, to walk her, to feed her, to play with her, to keep her company. And it was because of her that I didn't -- I couldn't -- allow myself to wallow in my sorrow. That I had to continue to function like a mostly normal human being. That I had to deal with the repercussions of an ended relationship in a way I never had before. By actually dealing with it instead of drinking it away, by relationship-rebounding it away, by keeping myself so busy, spreading myself so thin, I "forgot" how unhappy I was.

And though I didn't realize it at the time, that was the catalyst for change. Since then, I've been put back together a million times over.

By my friends. It can be something as simple as a text or Facebook message to check in, see how I'm doing. Or it can be standing by me while I make choices that will alter the course of my life.

By my family. Family is a funny thing, almost a love/hate relationship for me sometimes. But no matter how much teasing, nit-picking, fighting, yelling, ridiculousness we put each other through, I know, at the end of the day, I'm never alone. I'll always have a roof over my head and (really good) food in my belly. And I'll always, always be loved.

By myself. It's one of those things I never imagined I'd be able to say, but really, it's true. I was my own worst enemy, which is true of a lot of people, and once I started concentrating on my good qualities, all the positives in my life, it got a lot easier to pick myself up when I was down. To stop the negative self-talk about not deserving happiness, success, lasting friendships, healthy relationships.

This led me to thinking about all the people I've met, all the things I've had the opportunity to do, to learn, to experience. So many people have shaped my life, whether positively or negatively, and helped me grow into the woman I am today. I'm thankful to each and every one of them.

And then -- because if I've been affected by the actions of others, then my actions have obviously affected people too, right? -- I started thinking about whether I made a positive contribution or a negative one. Whether I helped or I hurt. I'm sure sometimes I've hurt. My blunt, no-nonsense attitude, though unintentional, has that effect, I'm sure. But I hope I've helped, too. Whether it's by offering words of encouragement after a job well done, by supporting endeavors, hopes and dreams, by listening and remembering, by looking out or standing up for someone who needs it, by being a voice of reason (or not, depending on the circumstance ;)), by tough-loving and not telling people what they want to hear when they want to hear it.

When you think about love like that -- like a smile, words of encouragement, knowing, trusting, that people are looking out for your best interests -- you realize it's everywhere. All the time.

So no matter how many times I'm torn and ripped apart, I know I'll always be lucky enough to be put back together. That's a powerful truth, and one I hope becomes universal.