Friendship

The older I get, the more I realize that life really is what you make it. It's 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it. And I've been dealing with it differently these days. I've stopped trying so hard to people-please, and I've started voicing my opinions and feelings instead of pretending I don't have any. The results have been interesting.

I think the most significant thing I've witnessed is the overwhelming support of my friends and family, who say things like: "I'm so proud of you, Katie" and "You've come such a long way from where you were just a few years ago." It warms my heart in a way I can't possibly put into words.

And that got me thinking about change. How it's inevitable. Whether good or bad, nothing stays the same forever. And then I started thinking about friendship. About how, over the years, my relationships have ebbed and flowed, have reflected who I was or where I was at during a particular time in my life. In high school, I had my band friends who toed the line. In college, I had my drinking buddies and my partners-in-crime. When I was being self-destructive, I had friends who encouraged such behavior because they, too, were engaging in it. I had my single friends for when I was single and my in-a-relationship friends for when I was in a relationship. And then, of course, there were the ever-steadies, the ones who've always been there no matter what.

Though lately, I've noticed some of the ever-steady statuses changing. I never pondered the possibility that I wouldn't be a part of my once-best-friends' futures, because really, how could someone I grew up with, who was with me through the good, the bad, and the ugly, just fade away?

But that's exactly what it is. Fading. It happens gradually. Almost undetectably. Until one day, you wake up and wonder what happened to so-and-so. And the only way you can find out is via Facebook.

Sometimes, no matter how much you don't want it to happen, no matter how much you fight against it, it's inevitable.

And though I finally came to grips with this, it wasn't easy. And I still struggle with it.

But, on a recent trip to Elida, Ohio, to visit a friend from college, her three-year-old son and her eight-month-old twins, I realized that maybe I needed to reevaluate those whom I categorized ever-steady.

Because Mary Kay, she's one of the ever-steadies, and I didn't know it until today. She lives two hours away, but I see her more often than I see people who live a lot closer. And that's because our friendship is important to her, regardless of whether or not we have the same things in common at 30 as we did at 20.

During my drive home tonight, which afforded me quite a bit of time to ponder my recent discoveries, I also realized that it's okay that friendships come and go. Ebb and flow. What matters most is the people who are important to you--whether it's for a week, a month, a year, or a lifetime--walk into your life for a reason. Sometimes the reason is immediately obvious, and sometimes, it takes a while to figure out.

The only thing I know for sure is we have to cherish each friendship for what it is, when it is. And, if at the end of this life that's forever changing, we have a handful of ever-steadies, we are extremely lucky.